This is going to be more of a list than a traditional blog post, I believe. I want to just discuss things with myself out loud, as well as hearing other people's point of views.
So I've been trying to determine who I am lately. Here's (so far) what I've figured out:
- I am 22 years old.
- I am a journalism major with a minor in intercultural studies.
- My favorite color has been, is, and always will be, jungle green. It's featured in the Crayola 64 pack.
- I love music. It always improves my mood.
- Walking makes me feel accomplished, even if it's just for 10 minutes each day.
- Reading opens up a part of my imagination I thought I had lost when I turned 18.
- I love my sister and brother. They understand everything I've gone through, even if it's not exactly the same situation.
- God is so wise. I have to remind myself of that.
- I need to remember to soak in the moments that usually pass me by. When I'm hanging out with friends, I need to pay close attention so I can savor the moment for years to come.
- I love the beauty of cinematography. It can make me weep it's so good.
- Writing helps me clear my head. Usually I can't write to actually form a solid thought, but it at least gets my creativity going.
- I wish I had a piano. Playing piano makes me feel like I at least have control over something. I can guide my hands to play something so beautiful.
- Life is so simple. Why can't others understand that?
- Nothing matters more than relationships. Relationships is what makes the world go 'round. I think everyone could improve their lives if they took a step back to look at how they treat their important relationships in their lives.
- I have no idea what I am politically. Yes, I am conservative. Yes, I am liberal. Yes, I do love the environment. But no, I don't want marriage between gay people. Yes, I am against abortion. But no, I don't love the right to bare arms. All in all, I just want people to love one another, banish big businesses, and to look for alternate energy sources - is that so hard?
- I totally should have been a hippie in the 60's and 70's. I would have still thrived in that era; I believe that in my heart.
- I am completely fine being alone.
- I know I put out a strong self-image.
- And I like it.
Welp. That is me. For now. :)
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Dear Abby, Where Have You Been?
It's been a while since I've written. I've been through ups and downs lately, and I have attempted to write a message or two on here, only to delete it halfway through. I haven't been able to eloquently say what I have wanted to.
Recently, I have learned a lot about myself. I went through a roller-coaster relationship, ended in heartache, and found myself in a position in which I did not understand who I was or what I even enjoy. Finding what I was interested in has been a somewhat scary discovery, to a point. To have to question what I find enjoyable when I am a 22-year-old seems like the biggest cliche in the book, but it is nerve-wracking to think that I don't even know myself anymore.
When I was with my boyfriend, I was forced to debate with myself about moral issues and what I wanted in my future (immediate and long-term). It was fun to wrestle with myself to really dig deep into what I believe what I believe, but at the end of the day, I don't like feeling like I am on shaky moral ground. If I need anything, it is a strong foundation for what I believe in.
So as I was saying, since breaking up with the boyfriend, and ultimately arguing over more things since the break-up, I started a new life program for myself where I walk at least once a day, for at least 15 minutes. Sometimes I listen to music, sometimes I listen to podcasts, sometimes I walk and talk with friends. Since beginning this regimen, this is what I have discovered:
-I have discovered that I like to de-stress by walking or running if I get frustrated by someone.
-I have also discovered that getting a walk "out of the way" earlier in the day makes me feel like I have accomplished a ton.
-I now recognize the importance of leaving my cell phone for hours on end. It feels freeing, especially with our generation being so tied down to technology (...as I write a blog on the Internet...).
-I appreciate the fresh air, and I appreciate spending time alone. It is that time where no one else is allowed in my thought process.
-I can think about my life and how I feel I am as a person. I can reflect over my actions and my close relationships in a way I really couldn't before.
It would be sad to say that I am thankful for the break-up, because it was hands-down the hardest relationship I've ever had to given up, but knowing what I know now, I see myself in a completely different light. I know what strengths and weaknesses I have to a deeper degree than ever before.
Tomorrow (heck, maybe even later tonight), I will write out who I am. In this crazy world we live in, it is important to take a step back and think "Who am I and what do I truly care about? What makes me itch inside, and what makes me extremely happy?". It is still an ongoing journey, but what I have discovered so far has made me thrilled. Learning about myself on such a deep level is something I appreciate more than I thought I could.
Recently, I have learned a lot about myself. I went through a roller-coaster relationship, ended in heartache, and found myself in a position in which I did not understand who I was or what I even enjoy. Finding what I was interested in has been a somewhat scary discovery, to a point. To have to question what I find enjoyable when I am a 22-year-old seems like the biggest cliche in the book, but it is nerve-wracking to think that I don't even know myself anymore.
When I was with my boyfriend, I was forced to debate with myself about moral issues and what I wanted in my future (immediate and long-term). It was fun to wrestle with myself to really dig deep into what I believe what I believe, but at the end of the day, I don't like feeling like I am on shaky moral ground. If I need anything, it is a strong foundation for what I believe in.
So as I was saying, since breaking up with the boyfriend, and ultimately arguing over more things since the break-up, I started a new life program for myself where I walk at least once a day, for at least 15 minutes. Sometimes I listen to music, sometimes I listen to podcasts, sometimes I walk and talk with friends. Since beginning this regimen, this is what I have discovered:
-I have discovered that I like to de-stress by walking or running if I get frustrated by someone.
-I have also discovered that getting a walk "out of the way" earlier in the day makes me feel like I have accomplished a ton.
-I now recognize the importance of leaving my cell phone for hours on end. It feels freeing, especially with our generation being so tied down to technology (...as I write a blog on the Internet...).
-I appreciate the fresh air, and I appreciate spending time alone. It is that time where no one else is allowed in my thought process.
-I can think about my life and how I feel I am as a person. I can reflect over my actions and my close relationships in a way I really couldn't before.
It would be sad to say that I am thankful for the break-up, because it was hands-down the hardest relationship I've ever had to given up, but knowing what I know now, I see myself in a completely different light. I know what strengths and weaknesses I have to a deeper degree than ever before.
Tomorrow (heck, maybe even later tonight), I will write out who I am. In this crazy world we live in, it is important to take a step back and think "Who am I and what do I truly care about? What makes me itch inside, and what makes me extremely happy?". It is still an ongoing journey, but what I have discovered so far has made me thrilled. Learning about myself on such a deep level is something I appreciate more than I thought I could.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Just a quickie...
This is just a quick update, but I recently had the idea of doing a "Reader's Retreat" where I put reading as my main focus for a weekend, and I did that this weekend, and honestly, I wish there were more hours in the day so I could read more. I am currently reading "The Solitude of Prime Numbers" by Paulo Giordano, which was highly recommended by People, Entertainment Weekly, Rolling Stone, etc. It's short chapters, but has a deep description behind the characters, which I love. The book is not heavy on description, rather the author gives many detailed traits behind the character and their personality so that the reader can fully get to know the character themselves.
Anyhow, point is, regardless of how crazy this week is (and it will be CRAZY, I already know), another Reader's Retreat will happen this upcoming weekend...and I can't wait. :)
Is anyone else reading something good? Please let me know! I always love hearing of good recommendations or trades for books. Have a great week!
Anyhow, point is, regardless of how crazy this week is (and it will be CRAZY, I already know), another Reader's Retreat will happen this upcoming weekend...and I can't wait. :)
Is anyone else reading something good? Please let me know! I always love hearing of good recommendations or trades for books. Have a great week!
Friday, April 9, 2010
Music makes the people.
Recently, I've been thinking about my past in music - piano lessons, band concerts, drum circles - and how this affected me as a person. Honestly, music makes me feel alive. It continues to be a huge aspect of my life, and lately, I've been dependent on it.
It's no secret that I listen to oldies radio on my way to school, and I thrive off of it. The 60's and 70's music mentality is so laid-back, and I think that helps me, especially during my spouts of road rage. Last night, I binged by listening to all music from the 70's including James Taylor, Simon and Garfunkel, the Beatles, etc. In my head, music is such an escape and relieves my tension from the day's stresses. I come alive to words and phrases in the musicality of the song. Don't ask me why, but music just helps me feel more connected to the world in general. Everything is better with music.
Sorry I've neglected my blog for so long - It's been a busy time, and I didn't make writing a priority (unless it was necessary in class assignments, of course).
On a completely other tangent, Barack Obama, I've got a bone to pick with you.
According to Obama, troops will be pulled out in 2011 from the infamous War on Terror, and yet, two of my friends are going overseas in the next year or two. One of them isn't being sent over until September 2011! What is up with that? I understand there has to be a military presence overseas, but one of my friends from the RESERVE is going to the front lines - This doesn't give me any hope for the end of our fighting anytime soon. My friend (an army wife) said it is hard to deal with the news that her husband will be sent to Afghanistan, but for him, it would be like a job incomplete unless he went to the Middle East and fought, and I had never thought of it that way. With all of that training, it makes sense that he would want to defend his country on foreign soil or else why be a member of the U.S. Army anyway?
It will be sad to hear when my friends do go over, and I have many other friends who are serving overseas now. I will personally never understand war, and that's okay with me. I don't want to understand it, when I had a friend of mine (a Marine) say, "You don't know what you're shooting at - you're just pulling a trigger." You know exactly what the consequence is for fighting in foreign lands; do not blame ignorance, when you know you've got to be shooting your gun at people. It's a complicated thing, war. I'll be happy when it's over.
Well, I thought this blog would be way better than what it is...but oh well. I'll improve it later. :)
It's no secret that I listen to oldies radio on my way to school, and I thrive off of it. The 60's and 70's music mentality is so laid-back, and I think that helps me, especially during my spouts of road rage. Last night, I binged by listening to all music from the 70's including James Taylor, Simon and Garfunkel, the Beatles, etc. In my head, music is such an escape and relieves my tension from the day's stresses. I come alive to words and phrases in the musicality of the song. Don't ask me why, but music just helps me feel more connected to the world in general. Everything is better with music.
Sorry I've neglected my blog for so long - It's been a busy time, and I didn't make writing a priority (unless it was necessary in class assignments, of course).
On a completely other tangent, Barack Obama, I've got a bone to pick with you.
According to Obama, troops will be pulled out in 2011 from the infamous War on Terror, and yet, two of my friends are going overseas in the next year or two. One of them isn't being sent over until September 2011! What is up with that? I understand there has to be a military presence overseas, but one of my friends from the RESERVE is going to the front lines - This doesn't give me any hope for the end of our fighting anytime soon. My friend (an army wife) said it is hard to deal with the news that her husband will be sent to Afghanistan, but for him, it would be like a job incomplete unless he went to the Middle East and fought, and I had never thought of it that way. With all of that training, it makes sense that he would want to defend his country on foreign soil or else why be a member of the U.S. Army anyway?
It will be sad to hear when my friends do go over, and I have many other friends who are serving overseas now. I will personally never understand war, and that's okay with me. I don't want to understand it, when I had a friend of mine (a Marine) say, "You don't know what you're shooting at - you're just pulling a trigger." You know exactly what the consequence is for fighting in foreign lands; do not blame ignorance, when you know you've got to be shooting your gun at people. It's a complicated thing, war. I'll be happy when it's over.
Well, I thought this blog would be way better than what it is...but oh well. I'll improve it later. :)
Monday, March 8, 2010
Uganda Mass Murder.
I should be working on homework, but I am compelled to write something out...
My friend Katie (She wrote on my blog about capital punishment if you remember) wrote an article about the recent Uganda bill where homosexuals will be given the death sentence if they are found positive with HIV or AIDS. Katie said this article was revolting, as it is killing people simply for having AIDS. It is so shocking to see how people are responded to the article. One woman wrote that it was all about "population control" and how it is completely worthy for homosexuals to die in this way because of "what they did." Another 17-year-old man wrote that homosexuals get what they deserve as they are already receiving a death sentence with the disease, so why not just prosecute them now?
Also, people are saying that if you are in support of overthrowing this bill, you "clearly" cannot be a Christian... I don't really understand this argument. There is a fine line between disliking homosexuality and preserving the right to life in this case -- Just because people are practicing in homosexual acts, which are against God, it is also against God to say that homosexuals are GETTING WHAT THEY DESERVE by receiving the death sentence. How are we as Christians loving others by saying "it's okay for you to die, because of what you did?" What does that remind you of... perhaps the crucifixion? Because of what WE as SINNERS do, we should receive the death sentence...but guess what, Jesus Christ took care of that. We no longer have that death sentence upon us because of what we do every day. And if all sin is supposed to be wagered as the same, then how can we say that homosexuality is worthy of the death sentence, but my stealing something from a grocery store isn't?
I understand why some may be frustrated with "allowing" homosexuals to live (if you really want to see it that way), but honestly, we should be more fired up about the fact that people are dying because they received a virus. So anyone who has cancer should die as well? They're going to die anyway, right? That's the same kind of logic people are using to support the Uganda bill.
Really examine your life and God's word before you take a stance on such a monumental issue. For all the pro-life rallies that Christians attend, it is SHOCKING to me that some of God's people are against keeping people alive in Uganda, simply because they have a defect. Those who share that mentality would have fit in around Germany in the 1930's...
My friend Katie (She wrote on my blog about capital punishment if you remember) wrote an article about the recent Uganda bill where homosexuals will be given the death sentence if they are found positive with HIV or AIDS. Katie said this article was revolting, as it is killing people simply for having AIDS. It is so shocking to see how people are responded to the article. One woman wrote that it was all about "population control" and how it is completely worthy for homosexuals to die in this way because of "what they did." Another 17-year-old man wrote that homosexuals get what they deserve as they are already receiving a death sentence with the disease, so why not just prosecute them now?
Also, people are saying that if you are in support of overthrowing this bill, you "clearly" cannot be a Christian... I don't really understand this argument. There is a fine line between disliking homosexuality and preserving the right to life in this case -- Just because people are practicing in homosexual acts, which are against God, it is also against God to say that homosexuals are GETTING WHAT THEY DESERVE by receiving the death sentence. How are we as Christians loving others by saying "it's okay for you to die, because of what you did?" What does that remind you of... perhaps the crucifixion? Because of what WE as SINNERS do, we should receive the death sentence...but guess what, Jesus Christ took care of that. We no longer have that death sentence upon us because of what we do every day. And if all sin is supposed to be wagered as the same, then how can we say that homosexuality is worthy of the death sentence, but my stealing something from a grocery store isn't?
I understand why some may be frustrated with "allowing" homosexuals to live (if you really want to see it that way), but honestly, we should be more fired up about the fact that people are dying because they received a virus. So anyone who has cancer should die as well? They're going to die anyway, right? That's the same kind of logic people are using to support the Uganda bill.
Really examine your life and God's word before you take a stance on such a monumental issue. For all the pro-life rallies that Christians attend, it is SHOCKING to me that some of God's people are against keeping people alive in Uganda, simply because they have a defect. Those who share that mentality would have fit in around Germany in the 1930's...
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Blogging fail.
My alarm went off at 7:50 a.m., and of course, I didn't get up. I was too tired, and my body ached from working out yesterday. After going back to sleep, I had such a realistic nightmare included people from my past that I didn't want in my life anymore. It was pretty...scary and realistic. How someone in real life could infiltrate my dreams is always a mystery.
I've been doing homework all weekend, and of course there is tons more to do tonight before the Oscars. Once it turns about 7 p.m. or 7:30, I'll be glued to the TV to see everyone's dresses and their acceptance speeches. I can't wait! :)
Short post. I had a lot more in mind of what to say, but now... well, you see what developed. Haha, blogging fail.
I've been doing homework all weekend, and of course there is tons more to do tonight before the Oscars. Once it turns about 7 p.m. or 7:30, I'll be glued to the TV to see everyone's dresses and their acceptance speeches. I can't wait! :)
Short post. I had a lot more in mind of what to say, but now... well, you see what developed. Haha, blogging fail.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Only one more week till paradise.
It's been too long, blog. I apologize.
Lately, I've been overevaluating everything in my life. I started obsessing over money, my future, where I'm going to move, what I'll do for this summer, where I'll be after I graduate college in December, and then it snowballed even larger from there. I was dying on the inside, with my mind moving faster than I could emotionally process. I called my grandmother, who always knows how to be in a good mood, for advice, and she of course told me to stop worrying over everything, and take it one day at a time. I keep forgetting that advice.
I know that I need to take it one day at a time, and that is how I will be until Spring Break...which starts next week. :) I cannot wait to be in Texas, and with my siblings. I so badly want to be there now, with no homework dictating my life, but of course I am stressed at the moment. With everything I have to do school-wise, I have to focus on that for just one more week before going mad. I wanted to go home this weekend, just to get away from the hustle and bustle, but I have too much to do to travel this weekend unfortunately.
In other news, I have some kind of exciting stuff going on this week - I am turning in an application for the Liberty Champion (which probably doesn't sound exciting, but to me, it is) and today, my friend Erica used me as a model for her photo shoot. She had to take some portraits for a photography class - we took over 100 pictures, and she only needs 15 for class, haha. It was super fun, and I got to show off three different dresses which is always lovely.
I've been reading through the Bible pretty diligently, which is awesome. I read through all of Hosea, then Song of Solomon, and now I'm on to Proverbs. It has been teaching me some really great things, and I can't wait to see what the rest of the massive book of Proverbs has in store.
This weekend, tons of homework must be completed, and planning for the next week will occur at some point... But like my grandmother said, I have to think one day at a time. And I'm okay with that for now. :)
P.S. I went to the gym tonight after two days off, and I am so happy I was able to do a hard work out. I did 45 minutes of cardio, and still did abs, squats, and lunges. I can't complain, and I want to hit the gym again tomorrow. It's wonderful to be addicted to the gym. :)
Lately, I've been overevaluating everything in my life. I started obsessing over money, my future, where I'm going to move, what I'll do for this summer, where I'll be after I graduate college in December, and then it snowballed even larger from there. I was dying on the inside, with my mind moving faster than I could emotionally process. I called my grandmother, who always knows how to be in a good mood, for advice, and she of course told me to stop worrying over everything, and take it one day at a time. I keep forgetting that advice.
I know that I need to take it one day at a time, and that is how I will be until Spring Break...which starts next week. :) I cannot wait to be in Texas, and with my siblings. I so badly want to be there now, with no homework dictating my life, but of course I am stressed at the moment. With everything I have to do school-wise, I have to focus on that for just one more week before going mad. I wanted to go home this weekend, just to get away from the hustle and bustle, but I have too much to do to travel this weekend unfortunately.
In other news, I have some kind of exciting stuff going on this week - I am turning in an application for the Liberty Champion (which probably doesn't sound exciting, but to me, it is) and today, my friend Erica used me as a model for her photo shoot. She had to take some portraits for a photography class - we took over 100 pictures, and she only needs 15 for class, haha. It was super fun, and I got to show off three different dresses which is always lovely.
I've been reading through the Bible pretty diligently, which is awesome. I read through all of Hosea, then Song of Solomon, and now I'm on to Proverbs. It has been teaching me some really great things, and I can't wait to see what the rest of the massive book of Proverbs has in store.
This weekend, tons of homework must be completed, and planning for the next week will occur at some point... But like my grandmother said, I have to think one day at a time. And I'm okay with that for now. :)
P.S. I went to the gym tonight after two days off, and I am so happy I was able to do a hard work out. I did 45 minutes of cardio, and still did abs, squats, and lunges. I can't complain, and I want to hit the gym again tomorrow. It's wonderful to be addicted to the gym. :)
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