Ohh shoot.

I'm currently reading "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller, suggested by my friend Kyle. The author discovers how to write a real story, and one thing was "You have to write every single day. You can't just wait for personal inspiration to strike, or else a novel will never get done."

Wow. That's a lot of pressure for me. Especially since this blog was intended for everyday writing, and now that's not being completed, to write in a fiction style everyday is so much work. Also taking into account that I have 4 writing-based classes this semester......you'd think I would be sick of writing. Except that I'm not, surprisingly.

But I still can't find time to write on here...........
I'm going to actually make a valiant effort.

For instance, I watched "On The Town" tonight for a musical theater paper, but wow, I forgot that I loved Frank Sinatra. And Gene Kelly. And the classic women such as Ann Miller and Vera-Ellen have given me a totally new inspiration for hitting the gym. Those women are skinny and fabulous, and I would love wearing revealing (tasteful) clothes like they do - If you see the movie, you know what I mean. These girls can dance, tap, sing, and parade around looking wonderful while doing it. I have new motivation to run as much as humanly possible before Spring Break. I will look fabulous for Austin, TX. :)

Oh, and going back to "On The Town," I found that passion for classic romances again in that movie. I forgot how much I loved the beautiful storytelling through song. Now that I've taken musical theater, I appreciate a whole new aspect of the music and harmonies. It's so great to hear harmonies and unison and vocal ranges in order to tell the story. For example, if characters sing in a high tenor for males and soprano for females, then the character is idealistic and does not find life in reality or take things at face value. Their life is usually in the clouds and won't think in a reasonable manner. It's fascinating if you look at all the parts separately in a musical and then seeing how they intricately form some dynamic show: the dance, the songs, the script itself. It's really crazy how much time is put into one simple entertaining musical.

...Okay, I'm aware that I went on a few rabbit trails. So I'm going to wrap it up. haha

Activism

I ran into an old friend today, and she is one of those people who brighten up my day anytime I see her. She always is ready to compliment, or sympathize, and generally cares about how I'm doing. Today, we caught up quickly about our lives and one thing she said was that she could see me as a politician. "I'm surprised you don't do any of that political stuff," she said. "Politicians grab the bull by the balls, and you do that." This got me thinking... Why don't I ever get into the political arena? Oh, that's right - I'd rather be an activist than a politician. I'd rather fight for something I personally believe in, and I don't want the responsibility of representing an entire city or county or state, where people will sway with and against you at the drop of a hat.

I could see myself as an activist in the future. I like to read up on topics and have support with my decision - Kind of like a lobbyist, but in a good way.

Anyhow, it's just something that got me thinking. I'm too compelled with the notion that everyone should be independent and represent their own idea of thinking to be a politician. But I think I'm okay with that. :)

If you're going to be on this earth, why not have an opinion about what's going on in it?

Bad News.

How do we react when we hear of sad or bad news? Some people cry when faced with death, some laugh because they can't express the true feelings inside. Some people get angry when something bad goes their way. They're pissed instead of sad, like the typical reaction expected. It's so different from when we receive happy news. If good news occurs, we all have a similar smile-inducing reaction where joyous yelling ensues and warm embraces happen. But sad news? No one can guess anyone's reaction in that situation. For example, when I hear bad news, I typically become angry. I get pissed.

As a Christian, we are taught to praise God in all situations - good or bad. Songs like "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns encourage Christians to be bold and worshipful during the sorrowful pits of our life. We are so eager to praise God when the going is good, and we praise Him with all of our might...until something bad happens. And then we reject God. We spite Him. We yell. We get angry. We blame him for everything that has happened wrong in our lives (usually with a lot of pent up anger from past events as well).

Like I said, I get angry when bad things occur. And what has made me angrier lately has been the church. This unified body of God that is supposed to support and provide fellowship. Why did this make me angry? Because I hear people sing "Hosanna" loud and proud, and they yell "Amen!" to the fact that God has saved them... when most people have never been through difficult situations. Yes, shout Amen for whenever you have never experienced things. Now, I'm not saying that people do not have their own battles to fight, or that everyone is innocent, but the majority of people have not been so far low as some have experienced. I have experienced something that I wish no one would ever have to, with a betrayal of trust and boundaries pushed. And it's hard for me to be joyful to God about this situation. I'm thankful to God that nothing worse happened in my life, but truly, I want to walk away from the false pretenses that Christians have. I want to praise God after I've been through something bad, but I'm not yet in that place. I personally feel as though I'm not ready to walk back to God and his stereotypical church family. I know that God is not stereotypical, and that I need a fellowship of believers...but I'm not ready.

Which is hard, considering I go to "the world's holiest university," as dubbed by some.

So I'm going to try something. I have an obsession with (500) Days of Summer, and so I'm beginning a (500) Days of Prayer. 500 days of praying to God every day. It's my new goal.

Conan's Last

During this whole Late Night debacle, I've had a change of heart. I loved Jay Leno - I was the biggest fan of Headlines and of the Tonight Show at 11:35 p.m. I wasn't a massive supporter of the move to 10 p.m., but I was so happy to receive my Headlines every Monday night again.

Ever since the suggested move has been thrown out there, I am no longer a fan of Jay Leno. As much as I love his little bits (even the new ones like Jay's 10 at 10), it is no comparison to what Conan has earned over the years. True, Conan was a writer in the beginning and he had no television experience, but look at the fan base he has created! Most college students have heard of something said by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, or know the Imaginary String Dance.

When Conan's show ended at 12:05 last year, I watched the last episode of Jay and Conan. I wasn't even a dedicated fan of Conan's at the time, but I have such respect for him now. He is taking a stand for what is rightfully his. He has the cajones to say "This isn't the way it should be handled" to the execs of NBC, and he's absolutely right. Leno has more than enough money, cars, etc. that he does not NEED to work, not to mention that his 10 o'clock show simply wasn't working. It wasn't generating the numbers and his star power is over after the nearly 20 years on the air (either in prime time or late night).

Okay, finally, I am so heated about this whole mess, and now I have to look back and ask, "why is this even remotely important?" One of my roommates says (indirectly) that it doesn't matter. And in the grand scheme of things, clearly the "Late Night Debate" is not what keeps the world turning. I am boycotting Jay Leno's return to 11:35 p.m. after the Olympics. I am hoping that the rest of the Late Night world joins me. According to my roommate, people will just be sitting, watching the television and saying, "Oh, Jay's on. He's funny" and watch either way. Why celebrate a man who has stolen another man's golden opportunity?

Conan and his staff have worked for months and months to produce a wonderful show. Everyone in his staff had to relocate from NYC to LA, and all for a less-than-a-year sham. I feel for Conan's staff and crew, and I am sad for his show to conclude in the little time remaining of his last show.

After all of that ranting, I do have to say: Support Hope for Haiti Now. It's a wonderful cause, and the performances from Hope For Haiti Now were truly moving and inspiring.
Go to hopeforhaitinow.org. Text "give" to 50555 or "haiti" to 90999.

Inspirational Quote

"When it seems like everything is against you, often times it's because God has something in store for you." - Joel Osteen

Usually I'm not a fan of Mr. Osteen, but I do find comfort in this quote.

On a completely unrelated quote, I've got a huge crush on Billy Zane. Why? I have no idea. :)

I know I want to write on this thing, and I'm encouraged to by my teachers to improve my writing, but truthfully, I'm all thoughtless at the moment. Longer blog tomorrow? I have something that I want to discuss, but it's such a huge can of worms that I don't exactly feel like opening up at the moment. Although I will say one little thesis statement, and not touch anything more about it:

The reason for all of the separations in the church is due to personal study.

I'll get back to that tomorrow, most likely. :)

Game Night

Oh, blog! How I've missed you!

My intensive is now over, and I think it went really well. I loved my teacher and our class discussions. Musical theater is such a passion of mine and reading the classic scripts has been so interesting. But now, the hard stuff is over (meaning eight hours of lecture every day and reading two plays and writing two papers every night), and I have normal classes starting Monday. I'm taking six classes, and either four or five of them are journalism-related - I'm so excited. It's going to be awesome, and I have just two semesters left! This is my last spring semester, which is crazy. It really has gone by super fast, but even earlier today, my roommate said she did something yesterday for the first time in her college career: hung out in a group setting with boys and all the roommates! :)

Last night was extremely fun, though. The three roommates, one of my roommates' boyfriend and his friend, and I went out to dinner and then back to our apartment to play board games. We ended up playing Phase 10 for THREE hours. It was such a good time; so much so that we played "Pass the Pigs" and Apples to Apples after that. It was so interesting to see everyone's mood change from game to game: Phase 10 was extremely serious and frustrating, Pass the Pigs was silly, and Apples to Apples was...sillier. And probably where we learned the most about each other. We loved our game night so much that Kendall (one of my roommates) wants to do a game night every week or every two weeks. I am thrilled because I've wanted that for a while. I think there is no comparison to playing games and conversing with one another for a night. It's laid-back, creates great memories, and gives tons of easy laughs. The stuff that people say when trying to justify their answers during Apples to Apples is priceless. One of the adjectives for Apples to Apples was Eternal, and Erin (roommate) tried to justify picking Jupiter. "Jupiter - it's a PLANET." - that was all the rationality she needed. :)

I've realized something in my life recently: I live surrounded by clutter, and I really want to get rid of that. It's so...disorganized. Whoever said that the first step to an uncluttered mind is a clean workspace was right. De-clutter, I say! De-clutter. I find that I hold on to so many "sentimental" things in my materialistic side of life, when really, the stuff is overlooked and if I got rid of it, I would never know. Just as it says in 1 Peter 2:11 (which hangs on my wall, right next to my bedroom door), "Dear friends, I warn you as temporary residents and foreigners to keep away from worldly desires that wage war against your very souls." Wow...feel like cleaning up anything right about now? It's just STUFF. I think I need to repeat that every now and again to myself.

I'm so glad I have time to write in this again... I really have missed it so much! Today has been the perfect Saturday, so far: I slept in, made pancakes for my roommates, worked out, cleaned up, caught up with Internet videos, and watched some movies. What could be better?

Mrs. Cooper

My teacher for the week (Mrs. Cooper) doesn't like blogs. So this one's for you. :)

It'll be short, since she likes things condensed. Plus I just don't have enough time to devote to this at the moment (even though I have so many things I want to write and say! But there is a time and a place for everything, and that time is not now. Unfortunately for you and I both).

I love my musical theater course - we analyze the script and the musical notes, and how harmonies symbolize certain things. It's such a fascinating new aspect of theater I never sat back and took my time to work through, but man, I wish I had. I really appreciate the amount of work that goes into these shows, even more than I already did (which really was a lot).

Only two more days, but we still have yet to read Blood Brothers, Fantasticks, and Sweeney Todd (super happy about that last one). We're reading Gift of the Magi hopefully too. It's such a great class! We watch YouTube clips of theater performances and I just want to sing and dance along with everyone else! If only I had trained myself to be a theater major... except I know in my heart of hearts that I would not be successful as an actress. I wish I would be, but I know I wouldn't (compared to all of the other wonderful talents, especially in our department). I'm extremely jealous of their beautiful voices and their ability to make each character their own.

More will come from me on either Friday or Saturday... Probably Friday, because I'm so excited to write about some things! I have another short story idea that I discovered in class today. I'm super pumped to flesh it out. :)

Till Friday!

Krazy For You

I'm reading plays for my intensive class that starts tomorrow. I have three quizzes tomorrow afternoon over Krazy For You, West Side Story and Ragtime. It's not too much, especially because I have a passion for musical theater, so I'm not too stressed over it.

But... because of this new intensive, I'll be in class from 9-5pm, so don't expect to hear from me. Maybe I will write a little something sooner or later, but no guarantees. Saturday, maybe I'll write a bit more.

P.S. I started a book called "Lucky" today by Alice Sebold (the same woman who wrote The Lovely Bones - which I highly recommend) and it's so enthralling. I cannot wait to read more, and I will allow myself to read more even if I lack the sleep. :)

That Was Fast.

I'm packing my things to go back to Virginia tomorrow. I do not feel prepared whatsoever. I'm forfeiting my last few hours of packing/organizing to go spend time with a friend and play Rock Band. Better choice of the two? Probably not, but at the same time, I think "there are only so many times left to kick it with friends" that friends will outlast responsibility any day. That's definitely not the way it should be, but it is the way it is.

I don't want to return to Virginia tomorrow only for the sole fact that I need another solid day to get everything in order already. I don't have the time nor the energy to pull a late night tonight, because I have to do an early morning tomorrow (and I've done way too many 7-hour drives on no sleep).

I'm already exhausted now. It's only 8:30 p.m. This is truly a sad life of a 21-year-old. Maybe I think that this time of packing is so hard because I know this is the last time I'm going to see my room in this way. Literally I need to be packing everything else up in boxes, and I'm not prepared to do that. I like my little knick-knacks. I don't want to get rid of all of my doo-dads and whatnot.

Such is life, I suppose. Most likely I will write another blog post tomorrow night from my apartment in Virginia. It's true that my apartment there feels more like home to me, but after being in this home for three weeks, it's hard not to get re-attached.

On a really, really random note, it was really nice for Jason Mraz to write a song about me. I discovered "A Beautiful Mess" and if you read the lyrics of the verses, I swear, that's me. It's a great song - I recommend listening to it sometime soon.

Current TV

Once again, my mind has been shifted into "school mode." I leave for Virginia in two days, and yet I have so much work to do before I leave in preparation for school and other things. By that, I mean I have to read three plays and write two essays before I leave on Saturday. Fun stuff, let me tell you. Not to mention I'm copying about 15 articles from my old work in The Wooster Blade to add to my growing compilation of a portfolio. Why did break have to end on such a bittersweet note? Alas, college is what I signed up for, and I shouldn't complain about the work I have to put in to get a job in the future. It's all for a good cause, meaning my future career. :)

Speaking of future careers, one internship I am praying to receive in the summer is one for Current TV. Most people have never heard of this channel on the TV because it's one of those "deluxe" channels - the ones that no one ever gets to when they flip from channel-to-channel because it's so high in the channels. It is the TV station that Al Gore created a few years ago, and has an amazingly funny celebrity news show called "infoMania." It picks great political blunders from the week, as well as random editorials where broadcasters can go off about something topical. It is so funny and clever - and I am hoping hoping hoping to work with them in the summer. I would be able to brainstorm with the team and help shoot off-location scenes. Basically, it's a dream job. But in the meantime, I have to finish another application by next week. Plus do an intensive class, starting Monday. Yikes. It's that time of year again.

On the upside, I am excited to see my roommates and sleep in "my" room again. It'll feel nice to sleep under my comforter and have my roomy closet again. Oh, how I've missed it! Also, I cannot WAIT to have instant WiFi again. Augh, it's been such a drag without it. I keep hijacking it from some random neighbor here... It's not illegal if they don't put a password on it! :) That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Wish me luck to already survive next semester - It's going to be such a handful. Can't wait.

First Day Of My Life.

I am volunteering at our local library this week, and am given a lot of monotonous tasks to fill the day. Although that sees boring to many, it is great for me because it gives me hours upon hours to think. Usually, when given boring tasks for hours, the most perfect story ideas come into my head or simple memories from my past will come to the forefront of my mind. Today, though, was not one of the necessarily enjoyable thinking sessions that occurred.

I was listening to Pandora, on probably my new favorite station based off of Death Cab for Cutie. "First Day Of My Life" by Bright Eyes came on within a few first songs. This song has happy memories between me and a good friend of mine, but when I listened to the lyrics this time around, I was suddenly stricken with sadness. The lyrics that really struck me were: "I think I was blind before I met you/ Now I don’t know where I am/ I don’t know where I’ve been/ But I know where I want to go," "And you said “this is the first day of my life/ I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you/ But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you/ And I’d probably be happy,” and "maybe this time is different/ I mean I really think you like me." Even looking up those lyrics were hard for me - seeing the emotions that Conor Oberst (Bright Eyes) wrote on some pad of paper, somewhere, hurt in a weird way. I'm jealous that he has felt those things that I have yet to feel with someone else.

I thought that I would finally experience a love such as that in "First Day of my Life" but yet, I haven't. In addition to replaying that song in my head, I thought of all the failed boy situations in my life. The most recent feels the most hurtful, partially because it is still fresh, but also partially because I felt like it was cut too short.

Another song heard today was Death Cab For Cutie's "I Will Possess Your Heart." The lines "I wish you could see the potential/ the potential of you and me" are precisely how I feel about the former flame of mine. Things felt so comfortable and easy with him. It was effortless, and we shared so many of the same opinions. We seemed to have it figured out, but once I left his presence it was as if we fell pages apart from each other. Something occurred when we were no longer together - who knows if I suffered from the crazy girl syndrome of blowing everything that happened out of proportion (which I'm sure I did to some extent), but being with him felt so organic and so unique. I can't get over what I felt when I was with him. I was a better, more feminine version of myself. And I liked that. I liked feeling more feminine than how I usually am. I normally put myself in such a tough exterior to not appear soft or weak. I allowed myself to feel vulnerable in front of him, and I trusted him with that. Then to have that feeling of security and trust yanked away?

Well, okay, so this was incredibly rambly and vague, but I just had to get this feeling of singleness out of my head and out of my heart. I am sick of being single, for sure, and it has been a long, tough road for the past three years of being single. I wish the games were over; I wish I had someone to hold hands with when I'm doing something as mundane as grocery shopping. The yearning is unbearable at times, and apparently today was one of those times. I can't believe I almost started crying when hearing Bright Eyes. It's so silly, but sometimes emotions make no sense. I guess they don't have to.

I rediscovered something.

And that 'something' being my love for legal pads. I absolutely love them. I used them in Speech and Debate (I did Lincoln-Douglas Debate) and they are wonderful. I found about six or eight of the notebooks in my desk at home. Why in the world would I ever need that many? I wouldn't. haha

Today, I scheduled a novel-writing time with my friend Christine. She's trying to write all the time, and so am I, and we give really good feedback to each other, so whenever we're both in town, we get together and try to do constructive criticism with each other. It is wonderful. Her notes are usually better because she actually had class lessons or reasoning to back up what she's suggesting, versus mine which is "This doesn't sound right, but I don't know how to change it."

Anyhow, I've been trying to write this one short novella for about two years now, and I have about 17,000 words (Most novels start at 30,000 words, if that puts things in perspective). It's a really good start, and I actually have a storyline and a plot, but at the same time, I only write whenever it feels organic and natural. If I force myself to write, it comes out forced on the paper. But I still should put more effort into it than I do. Such is life, I suppose. :)

Once my novel is somewhat successful, I'll probably put some preview chunks of the story on here for people to read if they want to. Think "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" but older women who haven't kept in touch in years. They all live their separate lives, and the story keeps track of all of them.

For now, I have one more week at home before going back to school. It's kind of scary, since I probably won't see my house with my stuff in it once I come home - My parents want to move before summer, but we'll see. My mom is taking me on a visit to see the "dream house" on Friday. That should be interesting...

Happy 2010!

Of course, now it is the time of the new decade, and therefore, time to talk about ethics. Wait, huh? Oh, right, I said: ethics. I was working out with a friend, chatting while we did lunges and such, when we discussed what it meant to make rational decisions in our lives. From boys to murder, my friend said that decisions never boil down to what is right or wrong, but rather looking at all the options to discover what was the best for the most people. (I'm pretty sure that's what she believes, ha. She follows Aristotle better than I do!)

"Being rational is not being sane, but rather, rationality is knowing what is sanity," she said. That thought boggled me for a while. And also, by that definition, I'm really hoping I have the trait of rationality (Or perhaps it counts as a skill? Can you learn to be rational?).

In a really bad segue way, I bought The Sims 3 recently and have become addicted like my former 12-year-old self, like when the first version came out. The Sims 3 has transformed my thinking in my everyday life, which is not necessarily a good thing. Instead of thinking rationally about my life, I think in numbers and in Sim meters. When playing the game, there are eight meters that signify if the person is happy or not. When I go to sleep, I think, "My meter will grow 'this' much once I sleep." -- Who thinks like that? Not very mature for a 21-year-old. :)

Also, I usually am not one for New Years' Resolutions, but this year, I made one that I actually intend on keeping: I want to read every night before I go to bed. Not a magazine, or TextsFromLastNight (my current addiction) but an actual book - thumb through a chapter or so every night. I have so many books I want to read, but I never make the time for it...so 2010, this is the year.