A friend and I went out for a late-night coffee chat, and found the cutest coffee shop downtown. Of course, conversation turned to boys. Discussing proposals, relationships, and overall dating tips, I was reminded that if a guy is actually attempting to date you, he'll do so with more than just a texting relationship with you.
It's no secret that sending texts back and forth between guys and girls is an easy way to find out how each other feels, yet it's all information that neither party would give up so quickly if in person. Texting is such a cop out. Instead of really working for a relationship to work, you can just text and get a sense of "getting to know someone" without going through the motions and spending the quality time together. How romantic will it be to tell your kids "Well, we spend hours and hours texting back and forth, in separate rooms, while preoccupied with other things, and it was just so intimate and special"? Please. Romance stories will never be written from the point of view of modern technology.
It's kind of a shame that seeking someone out for dinner or coffee is now a rare breed of human beings. When a guy asks a girl out for coffee to get to know each other, it's as if he is taking a giant leap for all men of his generation. There are still men who enjoy being in the same room as a female! Spending time with her! Man, he is just a diamond in the rough. It's sad that more men aren't this way, when instead they rely on technology to break down the walls without spending any quality time together.
I remember one time, as a freshman in college, a guy from my "brother dorm" (read: like fraternities have sister sororities, it's the same idea) who Facebook messaged me for a week straight, and we knew everything about each other and yet we hadn't even met face-to-face yet. So we decided to meet and go to church together one morning. First of all, it was awkward trying to meet and officially shake hands and introduce ourselves, even though I knew his whole life story. Then I have to hang out with him in pseudo-silence during church? It was just an awkward experience from beginning to end.
Men definitely still need to pursue the ladies, especially because it's the gentlemanly thing to do and they enjoy the chase, but it has to be through the right medium. Save texting for confirmation texts such as "Dinner at 6:30 tonight?" instead of full-on conversations. I'd much rather hear a man's voice, listening to not only his words but his tone of voice. The way a man speaks reveals so much about him that you wouldn't realize until you pay attention. What he's passionate about, how he speaks, word choice, sarcasm, etc. - There is so much more to learn that cannot be discovered through text messaging. Just put the phones away. If a guy wants to talk to you, he'll find a way to do it.
Seriously. If a guy wants to talk to you, he'll find a way how. Don't try and force it. Really.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness
I feel I have grown so much in the past year, even though I still feel as though I'm stuck in 'pause mode' that has become my life lately. Moving out on my own, doing things my way, making decisions based on me and not my parents' recommendations (even hunting for new doctors was a weird process).
It recently occurred to me that life has this weird double-standard: You are not guaranteed happiness, but if you're unhappy, everyone urges you to change your life so that you become not so. Therefore, we can handle contentment, but not unhappiness? And as such, I have realized that if I am unhappy, it is only up to me to change it.
I have searched for a full-time position in anything (really) for an entire year. Last October, I was still in school, but applying constantly so I would be able to forgo the whole "live with the parents" scenario. Unfortunately, no one has even interviewed me in the past year. I don't know if the issue is with my issue with selling myself or my talents, or that everyone who applied had more experience than me - no one will ever know, but I have come to find that I don't have much faith in my abilities. I know what I am "better than," but I don't know what I can truly achieve.
In my head, I have always been capable of being famous. I think I'd be great at it - Not Britney Spears-level fame, but more...Anderson Cooper fame. He can be serious, funny, have a great fan base, and still live a typically normal life. I always thought that would be the life for me, even though I don't know how to reach that goal. I will be famous, but for what reason? That has still yet to be determined...but in order to reach that level of success, it seems as though I need to believe in myself. I truly don't. It's a harrowing experience when you realize that you can only depend on yourself, yet I don't even have faith in what I can do. I don't even know who I am.
Self-discovery is the next goal for my life. More importantly than a job, more than being happy, I want to be able to depend on my skills and have the confidence that I will succeed. I lack that confidence that everything will turn out okay.
Another real-world experience that I was not expecting was the inability to "reach the next step" in your life as easily as it was in college. For instance, if you want to succeed in college, you could have poor grades but then you study harder, meet with the professor, go to study groups, take your time on tests, etc. and your hard work should be eventually rewarded. In the real world, it hasn't been as simple as apply more, talk to more people, re-write your resume (again and again), re-write your cover letter (thousands of times over), and yet... no reward is guaranteed. Whereas in college, you can dig yourself out of an academic hole, the real world does not show you as much mercy. You're dug in a hole, and the shovel is thrown about a mile away.
It's easier said than done to "believe in yourself," or "apply as much as you can," or "get to know the right people." But either way, I'm going to try. Like my roommate said, "Now is the time to try," and who cares if you fail? I'm still young, and I still have a lot of things to understand. But if I want to stop being unhappy, something needs to change, and I'm willing to do that.
It recently occurred to me that life has this weird double-standard: You are not guaranteed happiness, but if you're unhappy, everyone urges you to change your life so that you become not so. Therefore, we can handle contentment, but not unhappiness? And as such, I have realized that if I am unhappy, it is only up to me to change it.
I have searched for a full-time position in anything (really) for an entire year. Last October, I was still in school, but applying constantly so I would be able to forgo the whole "live with the parents" scenario. Unfortunately, no one has even interviewed me in the past year. I don't know if the issue is with my issue with selling myself or my talents, or that everyone who applied had more experience than me - no one will ever know, but I have come to find that I don't have much faith in my abilities. I know what I am "better than," but I don't know what I can truly achieve.
In my head, I have always been capable of being famous. I think I'd be great at it - Not Britney Spears-level fame, but more...Anderson Cooper fame. He can be serious, funny, have a great fan base, and still live a typically normal life. I always thought that would be the life for me, even though I don't know how to reach that goal. I will be famous, but for what reason? That has still yet to be determined...but in order to reach that level of success, it seems as though I need to believe in myself. I truly don't. It's a harrowing experience when you realize that you can only depend on yourself, yet I don't even have faith in what I can do. I don't even know who I am.
Self-discovery is the next goal for my life. More importantly than a job, more than being happy, I want to be able to depend on my skills and have the confidence that I will succeed. I lack that confidence that everything will turn out okay.
Another real-world experience that I was not expecting was the inability to "reach the next step" in your life as easily as it was in college. For instance, if you want to succeed in college, you could have poor grades but then you study harder, meet with the professor, go to study groups, take your time on tests, etc. and your hard work should be eventually rewarded. In the real world, it hasn't been as simple as apply more, talk to more people, re-write your resume (again and again), re-write your cover letter (thousands of times over), and yet... no reward is guaranteed. Whereas in college, you can dig yourself out of an academic hole, the real world does not show you as much mercy. You're dug in a hole, and the shovel is thrown about a mile away.
It's easier said than done to "believe in yourself," or "apply as much as you can," or "get to know the right people." But either way, I'm going to try. Like my roommate said, "Now is the time to try," and who cares if you fail? I'm still young, and I still have a lot of things to understand. But if I want to stop being unhappy, something needs to change, and I'm willing to do that.
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