Funny enough, after writing that post last night, I read all about relationships in Song of Solomon. My friend Brennan and I are reading through Song of Solomon together, and the first chapter gives me a good model of what a Godly relationship should be. I cannot wait for feeling the way that the man in vs. 9 does about his wife: "You are as exciting, my darling, as a mare among Pharaoh's stallions." - Yes, this verse is dated, but I just love the passion put behind it.
I appreciate this book in the Bible to explain how true love is supposed to be. <3
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
Bookends.
It's funny how love consumes everyone at one time or another.
A friend of mine said that although he is 20, and thinks he is too immature for a serious relationship, cannot wait to be married. He wants to get married as soon as humanly possible, and he can't wait to find that perfect girl to make his wife. And when he first told me, I thought, "Who doesn't want to love and be loved in return? Isn't that what we all want in life?"
Looking back, my longest relationship has been only four months long. Not even half a year. Although the idea of marriage sounds blessedly wonderful, and I cannot wait for this to occur, I don't even think I'm ready for a long-term relationship to begin with. I don't have any idea what a long-term relationship even looks like (other than of course my friends or family). In my life, I'm such a live spark that I think it either wears people out easily, or I'm a bit too crazy for anyone's own good. Not that I'm willing to change everything that I am, but I can't say I blame guys for thinking I'm a bit nutty.
It's bizarre for me to think of myself in a long-term relationship. My roommate said that I'm so free-spirited that she can't see me being tied down, and I completely agree. I want to be someone's support system, and I want to be someone's partner. But I also want to find someone who lets me balance them out (as well as them balance me) and to find that person who dominates me, rather than the other way around.
As I listen to sappy songs such as "Bookends" by Simon and Garfunkel, all about love lost, I realize that I wish I had those experiences to love and be loved in return. There are glimpses, sure, but I can't set glimpses side-by-side and say I've experienced love or something like it. I can't wait to be heartbroken, just for the experience... is that strange? I've experienced the gut wrenching pain of loss from people who have disappointed me before, but nothing on the magnitude of what I imagine losing a loved one is. Many disappoint, and yet no one has even gotten close to capture my heart.
Am I unconquerable? I don't want to say, "This is all my fault," because I do feel that there is a perfect person for everyone, and yet I cast that belief from television shows, movies, plays, poetry. It must be a shed of truth to all of that, right? Even the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet... was true love blind in a magnificent way? They still were married. They shared a married life together, albeit a short one. Surely I can't expect life to be like television/movies/plays/poetry, but I can gather that what I have felt is not anywhere close to what others have felt when in a meaningful relationship.
I'm jealous. I don't want my life to be like the movies, but it would be nice to have that feeling that sappy love songs are really true, even with their cliches. It'd be nice to believe that.
In other news, about 20 days until Spring Break. I'm heading to SXSW to visit my sister, brother-in-law, brother, and his girlfriend. I cannot wait! It shall be glorious. It has to be. It's my last spring break in college, so I have extremely high expectations. :)
A friend of mine said that although he is 20, and thinks he is too immature for a serious relationship, cannot wait to be married. He wants to get married as soon as humanly possible, and he can't wait to find that perfect girl to make his wife. And when he first told me, I thought, "Who doesn't want to love and be loved in return? Isn't that what we all want in life?"
Looking back, my longest relationship has been only four months long. Not even half a year. Although the idea of marriage sounds blessedly wonderful, and I cannot wait for this to occur, I don't even think I'm ready for a long-term relationship to begin with. I don't have any idea what a long-term relationship even looks like (other than of course my friends or family). In my life, I'm such a live spark that I think it either wears people out easily, or I'm a bit too crazy for anyone's own good. Not that I'm willing to change everything that I am, but I can't say I blame guys for thinking I'm a bit nutty.
It's bizarre for me to think of myself in a long-term relationship. My roommate said that I'm so free-spirited that she can't see me being tied down, and I completely agree. I want to be someone's support system, and I want to be someone's partner. But I also want to find someone who lets me balance them out (as well as them balance me) and to find that person who dominates me, rather than the other way around.
As I listen to sappy songs such as "Bookends" by Simon and Garfunkel, all about love lost, I realize that I wish I had those experiences to love and be loved in return. There are glimpses, sure, but I can't set glimpses side-by-side and say I've experienced love or something like it. I can't wait to be heartbroken, just for the experience... is that strange? I've experienced the gut wrenching pain of loss from people who have disappointed me before, but nothing on the magnitude of what I imagine losing a loved one is. Many disappoint, and yet no one has even gotten close to capture my heart.
Am I unconquerable? I don't want to say, "This is all my fault," because I do feel that there is a perfect person for everyone, and yet I cast that belief from television shows, movies, plays, poetry. It must be a shed of truth to all of that, right? Even the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet... was true love blind in a magnificent way? They still were married. They shared a married life together, albeit a short one. Surely I can't expect life to be like television/movies/plays/poetry, but I can gather that what I have felt is not anywhere close to what others have felt when in a meaningful relationship.
I'm jealous. I don't want my life to be like the movies, but it would be nice to have that feeling that sappy love songs are really true, even with their cliches. It'd be nice to believe that.
In other news, about 20 days until Spring Break. I'm heading to SXSW to visit my sister, brother-in-law, brother, and his girlfriend. I cannot wait! It shall be glorious. It has to be. It's my last spring break in college, so I have extremely high expectations. :)
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Natural History Museum
Last weekend, I visited a friend in D.C. We did the whole sight-seeing thing, and it was fun...probably the most memorable was at the Natural History Museum. We spent the most time in the 'Oceans' section of the museum, and seeing all the different kind of sea life was amazing. We watched a video that said that scientists only know approximately five percent of all underwater life, which is such a small number, if you think about it. Although scientists can now hit the bottom of the ocean with different robotic boats, the sea is still a vast unknown.
When looking at the different animals, especially at the bottom of the ocean, it re-affirmed my faith in God because I could see how each animal was uniquely formed with different characteristics and traits. With all of the massive amount of animals in the world, it is so illogically sound to think that it all "just happened." I know it doesn't seem to be a good answer to think that God created everything either, because "where's the evidence?" (or so people will likely say) but you know what, I'd rather have belief in God and be wrong than to not believe in God and be proven that He does exist.
I remember asking my pastor one time what would happen if this whole religion thing was sham. He said "Okay, so what if it is? Are you doing bad things because you're believing in God? You're told not to steal or kill. You're told to help people in need and to volunteer. You're told to treat people as they want to be treated... what's the downside?" and I still think of that conversation often. Really, what is the downside? If I die, and God really is a complete waste of my earthly time... well, it's not a waste of my time. He would be someone I look to in times of need, and He instructs me to live a life that I consider good. And I'm not saying that Christians are perfect, or that all of us live the best lives imaginable, because I definitely fall short of that, but at least the guidelines are reasonable.
Just something I've been thinking about...
When looking at the different animals, especially at the bottom of the ocean, it re-affirmed my faith in God because I could see how each animal was uniquely formed with different characteristics and traits. With all of the massive amount of animals in the world, it is so illogically sound to think that it all "just happened." I know it doesn't seem to be a good answer to think that God created everything either, because "where's the evidence?" (or so people will likely say) but you know what, I'd rather have belief in God and be wrong than to not believe in God and be proven that He does exist.
I remember asking my pastor one time what would happen if this whole religion thing was sham. He said "Okay, so what if it is? Are you doing bad things because you're believing in God? You're told not to steal or kill. You're told to help people in need and to volunteer. You're told to treat people as they want to be treated... what's the downside?" and I still think of that conversation often. Really, what is the downside? If I die, and God really is a complete waste of my earthly time... well, it's not a waste of my time. He would be someone I look to in times of need, and He instructs me to live a life that I consider good. And I'm not saying that Christians are perfect, or that all of us live the best lives imaginable, because I definitely fall short of that, but at least the guidelines are reasonable.
Just something I've been thinking about...
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Israel.
I've started reading Hosea in the Bible, which is a miracle in itself that I wanted to read from the Bible. It's been a while since I've felt an obligation to read, and that obligation was completely welcome in my mind. I have been reading Hosea for a couple of reasons: Not only do I love the story in Hosea, but I really feel like I am very similar to the situation Israel was in (at least, emotionally).
Before, I used to think I was identical to Gomer, who is the prostitute that Hosea is told to marry. All of the sins and past thoughts and wrongdoings in my mind made me feel heavy, as though my transgressions were not ever going to be lifted off of my shoulders, and as it says in the Bible, the people of Israel had the same sin issues, yet looked to other things to relieve them of their sins instead of looking to the right answer- God.
Hosea 4:12b says, "They have played the prostitute, serving other gods and deserting their God." and later in 4:18b, "They love shame more than honor." Sheesh, what a heavy burden. Even though the Israelites knew the right way to go, they still turned to other things in order to fulfill them. I think a lot of us do that, too in earthly ways. For instance, even if someone is right, and we know they are right, why is it so hard for us to admit we are wrong? We know the right answer is to acknowledge someone's correctness and yet do we do it? Rarely.
In Chapter 6 of Hosea, though, God reveals a redeeming strategy after the symbolic redeeming of Hosea's buying of Gomer. He says in verse 1 that "He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds." and God even says, "I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings." If you know anything about Old Testament offerings, this is quite a statement to the people. Many worshipers (of whatever they worshiped) would burn offerings in order to show their god how much they cared, and God is saying that those offerings aren't even important.
My one fear in reading Hosea is to be "scared" into going back to Jesus, when it gets to chapter 7. God states, "What sorrow awaits those who have deserted me! Let them die, for they have rebelled against me. I wanted to redeem them, but they have told lies about me. ...(verse 15-16) I trained them and made them strong, yet now they plot evil against me. They look everywhere except to the Most High." Again, in the foolishness of our young generation, I think a lot of us do this. Although we know the right answer, we look to something else that will fulfill us in the immediate instance.
What keeps running through my head is selfishness. One has to be selfish in order to be turning to other less-fulfilling things because one is thinking of instant gratification rather than eternal greatness. It's hard for college students to move the focus off of themselves, considering all of our teachers are pounding our heads by saying, "You have to make the most of your life" once you graduate. Even though that is true, and that we are supposed to be in command of our own destiny - or so they say - there is still God who knows us better than anyone else and already knows where we'll end up in our life. Hard work is still necessary on our part, but all within the respects of God's plan. That is the right answer, and we should be seeking that than looking to false, temporary fillers.
We all start out like Israel, with selfishness inside of us. It is the selfishness that motivates our desires and our mishaps in worldly possessions or gods, and yet God is always willing to buy us back from the prostitute state we are in. It's refreshing to know He is always willing to buy us back, even when you know you don't deserve it.
Before, I used to think I was identical to Gomer, who is the prostitute that Hosea is told to marry. All of the sins and past thoughts and wrongdoings in my mind made me feel heavy, as though my transgressions were not ever going to be lifted off of my shoulders, and as it says in the Bible, the people of Israel had the same sin issues, yet looked to other things to relieve them of their sins instead of looking to the right answer- God.
Hosea 4:12b says, "They have played the prostitute, serving other gods and deserting their God." and later in 4:18b, "They love shame more than honor." Sheesh, what a heavy burden. Even though the Israelites knew the right way to go, they still turned to other things in order to fulfill them. I think a lot of us do that, too in earthly ways. For instance, even if someone is right, and we know they are right, why is it so hard for us to admit we are wrong? We know the right answer is to acknowledge someone's correctness and yet do we do it? Rarely.
In Chapter 6 of Hosea, though, God reveals a redeeming strategy after the symbolic redeeming of Hosea's buying of Gomer. He says in verse 1 that "He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds." and God even says, "I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings." If you know anything about Old Testament offerings, this is quite a statement to the people. Many worshipers (of whatever they worshiped) would burn offerings in order to show their god how much they cared, and God is saying that those offerings aren't even important.
My one fear in reading Hosea is to be "scared" into going back to Jesus, when it gets to chapter 7. God states, "What sorrow awaits those who have deserted me! Let them die, for they have rebelled against me. I wanted to redeem them, but they have told lies about me. ...(verse 15-16) I trained them and made them strong, yet now they plot evil against me. They look everywhere except to the Most High." Again, in the foolishness of our young generation, I think a lot of us do this. Although we know the right answer, we look to something else that will fulfill us in the immediate instance.
What keeps running through my head is selfishness. One has to be selfish in order to be turning to other less-fulfilling things because one is thinking of instant gratification rather than eternal greatness. It's hard for college students to move the focus off of themselves, considering all of our teachers are pounding our heads by saying, "You have to make the most of your life" once you graduate. Even though that is true, and that we are supposed to be in command of our own destiny - or so they say - there is still God who knows us better than anyone else and already knows where we'll end up in our life. Hard work is still necessary on our part, but all within the respects of God's plan. That is the right answer, and we should be seeking that than looking to false, temporary fillers.
We all start out like Israel, with selfishness inside of us. It is the selfishness that motivates our desires and our mishaps in worldly possessions or gods, and yet God is always willing to buy us back from the prostitute state we are in. It's refreshing to know He is always willing to buy us back, even when you know you don't deserve it.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Stop the Press
I have officially gotten sick of my computer. And yes, I know I am typing this on my computer, but a few days of being snowed in my apartment have made me extremely annoyed at my computer screen. My eyes burn from looking at the screen for so long.
We got so much snow in Virginia, and they just don't know what to do about it - they don't own snow plows or salt trucks, so it's quite the catastrophe.
Therefore, I've been stuck here in my apartment with my roommates lately. Friday was a snow day, so that was nice, but we all were bored out of our mind. It was around 10:30 p.m. and we all were about to fall asleep, and I said "Isn't anyone else bored out of their mind?" so we decided to play Monopoly instead. :) We played until about 1 a.m. and it was such a fun time. Today, one of my roommates made waffles this morning, and we played Phase 10 afterward. It's just been such a relaxing day so far. Although I'm still stuck in, I am not as bored as I was yesterday.
By the way, can I just say how crazy "16 and Pregnant" is? Wow. Such a nutty show, yet it sucks me in every time. How terrible!
Anyhow, we're stuck inside. But it's turning into slush outside, so maybe I'll hit the grocery later today. We'll see. :)
We got so much snow in Virginia, and they just don't know what to do about it - they don't own snow plows or salt trucks, so it's quite the catastrophe.
Therefore, I've been stuck here in my apartment with my roommates lately. Friday was a snow day, so that was nice, but we all were bored out of our mind. It was around 10:30 p.m. and we all were about to fall asleep, and I said "Isn't anyone else bored out of their mind?" so we decided to play Monopoly instead. :) We played until about 1 a.m. and it was such a fun time. Today, one of my roommates made waffles this morning, and we played Phase 10 afterward. It's just been such a relaxing day so far. Although I'm still stuck in, I am not as bored as I was yesterday.
By the way, can I just say how crazy "16 and Pregnant" is? Wow. Such a nutty show, yet it sucks me in every time. How terrible!
Anyhow, we're stuck inside. But it's turning into slush outside, so maybe I'll hit the grocery later today. We'll see. :)
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
You've Got Mail
The title of this blog does not refer to the AOL term, but rather the 1998 major motion picture, written, produced, and directed by Nora Ephron.
Today has not been a good day. No, let me backtrack: the past 24 hours have not been kind to me. And not because of anyone else, but because I chose to be counterproductive and extremely lazy - almost to an unfathomable amount.
I knew I had 4 article reviews to write along with another 300-word story about kumquats. After slacking for about, oh, eight hours, I finally buckled down and wrote a little something. This began around 1:30 a.m. Why did I do this? I've been up for almost 20 hours already, and still do not have a solitary thing to show for it. I hadn't completed any of my work.
Well, after writing for a good half-hour, it was 2 a.m. and it was beyond my mental capability to work any longer. My mind kept hallucinating and losing focus, almost as if I had recently acquired vertigo and wasn't sure how to deal with it.
My head hit my pillow but, of course, it could not shut off because my work was still incomplete. My mind continued to race about how I could seriously pull this one off. And then, the next thing I knew, my alarm was going off at 7:45. My ride was picking me up at 8:30 a.m. And I still have 3 other article reviews to write...
I wrote one more review, decided I shouldn't look like such a hot mess, and took a quick shower. After getting somewhat ready for the day (meaning I still had mascara outlines and semi-dry hair) I continued to write. Somehow, it was 8:20, and I had 10 minutes to write two article reviews.
I don't know what happened in my mind, but somehow I was able to write two articles, start brewing coffee, put Pop Tarts in the toaster, and dry my hair the rest of the way. Those 10 minutes were quite a blur, I have to say.
I threw everything in my backpack, raced out the door with coffee in one hand and my Pop Tarts in the other. I made it to my 9:15 a.m. class with about 10 minutes to spare when my friend asks, "We have a test today, right?" I had no idea there was a test in this class. All of my work that I kept procrastinating was for a different class. My 9:15 a.m. class wasn't even on my radar... which showed... in my score on the test, that was a pop test, as far as I was concerned. The teacher had never talked about it in class, it was just on the syllabus. The same syllabus I've been avoiding since another class has taken my full attention (apart from my attention being focused on television, which is why I procrastinated in the first place).
So today wasn't so hot. And after my two classes that pretty much massacred what I had left of my alertness, I changed into pajamas and grabbed snacks. I brought my pillow out to the couch, and popped in my favorite feel-good movie: You've Got Mail. It solves any problem I ever could have. It's such a simple slice of serenity. The movie shows me that life can be that magical, at least that I would want to live Kathleen Kelly's life. It's such a seemingly plain life, but so optimistic at the same time. It gets me every time.
Snuggle. Watch your favorite movie, and drink something good while doing it. At least that's what I'm doing for the rest of today, until I kick my life into full throttle. Which I will do tomorrow.
Today has not been a good day. No, let me backtrack: the past 24 hours have not been kind to me. And not because of anyone else, but because I chose to be counterproductive and extremely lazy - almost to an unfathomable amount.
I knew I had 4 article reviews to write along with another 300-word story about kumquats. After slacking for about, oh, eight hours, I finally buckled down and wrote a little something. This began around 1:30 a.m. Why did I do this? I've been up for almost 20 hours already, and still do not have a solitary thing to show for it. I hadn't completed any of my work.
Well, after writing for a good half-hour, it was 2 a.m. and it was beyond my mental capability to work any longer. My mind kept hallucinating and losing focus, almost as if I had recently acquired vertigo and wasn't sure how to deal with it.
My head hit my pillow but, of course, it could not shut off because my work was still incomplete. My mind continued to race about how I could seriously pull this one off. And then, the next thing I knew, my alarm was going off at 7:45. My ride was picking me up at 8:30 a.m. And I still have 3 other article reviews to write...
I wrote one more review, decided I shouldn't look like such a hot mess, and took a quick shower. After getting somewhat ready for the day (meaning I still had mascara outlines and semi-dry hair) I continued to write. Somehow, it was 8:20, and I had 10 minutes to write two article reviews.
I don't know what happened in my mind, but somehow I was able to write two articles, start brewing coffee, put Pop Tarts in the toaster, and dry my hair the rest of the way. Those 10 minutes were quite a blur, I have to say.
I threw everything in my backpack, raced out the door with coffee in one hand and my Pop Tarts in the other. I made it to my 9:15 a.m. class with about 10 minutes to spare when my friend asks, "We have a test today, right?" I had no idea there was a test in this class. All of my work that I kept procrastinating was for a different class. My 9:15 a.m. class wasn't even on my radar... which showed... in my score on the test, that was a pop test, as far as I was concerned. The teacher had never talked about it in class, it was just on the syllabus. The same syllabus I've been avoiding since another class has taken my full attention (apart from my attention being focused on television, which is why I procrastinated in the first place).
So today wasn't so hot. And after my two classes that pretty much massacred what I had left of my alertness, I changed into pajamas and grabbed snacks. I brought my pillow out to the couch, and popped in my favorite feel-good movie: You've Got Mail. It solves any problem I ever could have. It's such a simple slice of serenity. The movie shows me that life can be that magical, at least that I would want to live Kathleen Kelly's life. It's such a seemingly plain life, but so optimistic at the same time. It gets me every time.
Snuggle. Watch your favorite movie, and drink something good while doing it. At least that's what I'm doing for the rest of today, until I kick my life into full throttle. Which I will do tomorrow.
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