It's been a while since I've written. I've been through ups and downs lately, and I have attempted to write a message or two on here, only to delete it halfway through. I haven't been able to eloquently say what I have wanted to.
Recently, I have learned a lot about myself. I went through a roller-coaster relationship, ended in heartache, and found myself in a position in which I did not understand who I was or what I even enjoy. Finding what I was interested in has been a somewhat scary discovery, to a point. To have to question what I find enjoyable when I am a 22-year-old seems like the biggest cliche in the book, but it is nerve-wracking to think that I don't even know myself anymore.
When I was with my boyfriend, I was forced to debate with myself about moral issues and what I wanted in my future (immediate and long-term). It was fun to wrestle with myself to really dig deep into what I believe what I believe, but at the end of the day, I don't like feeling like I am on shaky moral ground. If I need anything, it is a strong foundation for what I believe in.
So as I was saying, since breaking up with the boyfriend, and ultimately arguing over more things since the break-up, I started a new life program for myself where I walk at least once a day, for at least 15 minutes. Sometimes I listen to music, sometimes I listen to podcasts, sometimes I walk and talk with friends. Since beginning this regimen, this is what I have discovered:
-I have discovered that I like to de-stress by walking or running if I get frustrated by someone.
-I have also discovered that getting a walk "out of the way" earlier in the day makes me feel like I have accomplished a ton.
-I now recognize the importance of leaving my cell phone for hours on end. It feels freeing, especially with our generation being so tied down to technology (...as I write a blog on the Internet...).
-I appreciate the fresh air, and I appreciate spending time alone. It is that time where no one else is allowed in my thought process.
-I can think about my life and how I feel I am as a person. I can reflect over my actions and my close relationships in a way I really couldn't before.
It would be sad to say that I am thankful for the break-up, because it was hands-down the hardest relationship I've ever had to given up, but knowing what I know now, I see myself in a completely different light. I know what strengths and weaknesses I have to a deeper degree than ever before.
Tomorrow (heck, maybe even later tonight), I will write out who I am. In this crazy world we live in, it is important to take a step back and think "Who am I and what do I truly care about? What makes me itch inside, and what makes me extremely happy?". It is still an ongoing journey, but what I have discovered so far has made me thrilled. Learning about myself on such a deep level is something I appreciate more than I thought I could.
Interesting thoughts. I share the desire for a solid moral foundation but I really wonder what that means. What I mean is, where does one look for a moral foundation and how can I be sure I have found a "foundation" and not a fault line?
ReplyDeleteDo I look to a culture to find solidity? That seems convienient but cultures change like seasons.
Do I look to a teacher or guide? Perhaps, but how can I trust their credentials?
Do I look to myself? I seem unstable and unreliable in establishing a moral foundation that applies beyond myself.
Do I look to the "environment" or system I am in? Is what is right what is good for the system and for the environment?
How do I know morality is a singular, meaning, how do I know there are not multiple stable moral foundations?
What should I look for in a moral foundation? Should I look for good to myself, good to my family, good to all people, good to this time, good to tradtition, good to what is to come?
Do I look for stability, forgetting that a true foundation should possibly be flexible and adaptable?
Should I ask others what their morality is and use numerous perspectives to elaborate a morality that attempts to encompass and integrate them all?
Should my moral foundation be perspectivally flexible; should my foundation be able to enact a different experience depending on who I am with, where I am at, what I am doing, and furthermore, who people are with, where they are at, and what they are doing?
Should my morality be developmental or fixed? Will the same morality I adopt today be totally suitable 10 years from now?
Do I want a moral foundation for personal reasons? Do I want a moral foundation so that I can feel good about myself or so that others will see me some way? Do I strive for a morality to appease my own faith or should morality extend beyond my personal or my cultural spiritual sphere?
Just asking.
I personally feel all of those questions are worthwhile. If a morality can not stand up to all of those questions, then I think the foundation is unstable.