Why do we do this to ourselves?

There is one main thing that I cannot stand about us women: when we start to like a guy, we become dumb. I'm not suggesting we literally lose brain cells, but when I have a new crush, it's like all of my intelligence momentarily goes away. I hate when we women lose all of our smarts, whether it be physically looking out for yourself, or even who we'd be dating in the first place.

I see so many girls with such high ambitions and drive, and then once they get into a relationship, it's like all of their independence flutters away. I am guilty of this as well, but it pains me to see my friends go through this absence of intelligence, too.

Is there any way we can avoid this? Is there any way we can just... not sacrifice our education or our boldness or our values for a guy?

Seriously, what is it about guys that make us so crazy? Another one of life's little mysteries...

School has begun.

Have you noticed the lack of posts? There is a reason for this... and that is school.

I am already taking in a bit too much. I'm not overwhelmed, but I am highly aware that I have a few too many things on my plate. My first round of articles that I am editing are due tomorrow by 3pm, and thus begins the editor's editing process. Intense! I am excited, but I really, really hope that the material is good. I will be very disappointed if all of my writers fail me. I'm extremely optimistic, especially since their topics are so great for this week.

Although classes started on Monday, I still feel like I'm in a haze. I am simply going through the motions of school and learning instead of actually getting in the zone.

I just wrote most of my first article though, so thankfully that's out of the way.

More details about my life later... Just no time right now! Not to mention I'm not even feeling philosophical, so... we'll see when my next post is.

Johnny & June

I have been fascinated with Johnny Cash for many, many years. His music has such truth to it, as well as such simplicity that I don't understand how some do not like his songs.

What has continued to astound me about Johnny Cash was his love for June Carter Cash. Their love story was such a twisted atypical romance, where it seems like Johnny depended on June for everything from major struggles to simple day-to-day tasks. June was the one who helped Johnny kick his longtime drug habit, and it was June who also wrote some of his most popular songs (such as "Ring of Fire").
I really admire June Carter Cash for her strength while dealing with Johnny's mess. She had such damage from two previous husbands and a child from each marriage before she even married Johnny. She was able to break apart from her family's fame and find success on her own terms. She played many musical instruments, enrolled in acting classes, and was funny to boot. She was the real deal.

How did Johnny deserve someone so good? He had so much emotional baggage from his childhood, an apathetic father, and many addictions he had to break. June was so patient with him, and she was able to get through to him unlike anyone else.

While their love story worked for the two of them, is it good for her to be so strong and for him to be the dependent? She really was independent and was able to take care of herself. She was strong. She had a good head on her shoulders. She didn't need to bring herself down with Johnny... so why did she deal with it?

Not saying that their marriage wasn't right, because I don't believe that, but I would think it would be hard to stay strong every day for the man she loved.

In the song, "Johnny and June" by Heidi Newfield, she glorifies their relationship by stating she wants a love just as strong as theirs. I can't decide if I could be happy being June Carter Cash to someone's Johnny. As much as I would love to walk the line for someone, I would not be able to handle the daily struggles as June encountered. She was a strong woman - I can't argue that.

Let's Get Physical

I just went on a walk. After only 20 minutes, I was done. I had a pain in my side, I was short of breath... I am not an old woman, so why does my body act like I am? Again, it's time to cleanse the body and with the school year starting, I am actually excited to make my own meals and create some healthy snacks for throughout the day.

My goal is to be a comfortable size 6 by graduation in December. This means I can't go out to eat often, and if I do, I have to pick a healthy meal. My downfall for the past two weeks has been going to dinner, and then ordering dessert on top of that. Thankfully, I really won't have the money for dessert and dinner unless I make it myself. It's time to streamline my eating, and pump up the exercise.

My school schedule allows that my entire mornings are free, so that means I have no excuse but to wake up, work out, then shower and get ready for the rest of my day. I know my body will thank me for it.

In addition, let me just shout out to the Adam Carolla podcast. Whenever I go on a walk, I usually listen to Adam and Teresa Strasser complaining about who knows what for the day. Not to mention, they have the best comedians on and discuss important issues. I personally love when Ed Begley Jr. is on to bring awareness about environmentally-friendly living. The Adam Carolla podcast helps me pass the time as I walk so I don't feel like my songs are just running in one ear and out the other. Not to mention it's the number 1 podcast on iTunes...and has been for a while. And it's free! Can you really go wrong?

Summer. Past Tense.

Sorry it's been three days since I last updated... I kinda haven't noticed it's been that long...

In recent developments, my roommate got a kitten two days ago! It's adorable, yet scratches like none other. But it has super blue eyes, and black/brown fur. She's so tiny that she's probably the size of a 5x7 photograph. Her little meows are adorable, though! They don't even sound like a real cat.
It's so tiny! She slept next to me last night, but I woke up many times to her standing on my head or biting my ear. We're working on disciplining her... haha. Right now, a squirt water bottle is going to be her reprimand.

Also, I worked last night with my good friend Paul and he said something about how summer was great. I said "Summer WAS great? Paul, summer is over! Oh noooooooooooo!" (or maybe something slightly less dramatic than that...). I cannot believe summer is already over. Actually, officially for four more days, it isn't. But school starts on Monday. I have 19 credits this semester, with four of them dealing with the Liberty Champion (our student newspaper).

I'm sure I'll be busy, and I know I'll be working two-three days a week along with working with the paper constantly. I know I'll get everything done, but it's time to get my head in the game. I have all of my books, but other than that, I am not prepared for this new school year. I think I am going to be grabbing some syllabuses later today (gross).

Deep breath. It's time for my last semester of college EVER. Oh, dear, so excited. :)

Piece of Fiction

The following is a short story, a piece of fiction, entitled "Boy Meets Girl Again."

He knocked on her door with his usual rap-rap-rapping, just as he always had before. He was strangely confident, but he did not know why. Knocking again, with a certain pattern, he took a deep breath as he heard footsteps coming closer to the door.
She opened the door, smiled, and invited him in.
He immediately noticed her apartment had been completely reconfigured. Furniture was rearranged, new paint adorned the walls, and she was wearing a new, more polished outfit. The apartment was much more put together than he realized. He thought of his own apartment, with no noticeable changes made to it in the past two years since he moved in.
She walked into the kitchen, leaving him to follow behind, and she started making tea using the teapot he had bought her four months ago at a yard sale. She asked him if he wanted some, and he happily agreed. Seeing the teapot renewed his feelings for her, as she had kept the teapot all this time.
Once the tea was poured, they both sat near each other to catch up on each others' lives. As soon as she sat down, the awkwardness ensued. Not knowing what to ask, or where to start, their tea was sipped in silence. She daintily put down her teacup and opened the refrigerator to start a cheese plate for the two of them. As she opened the refrigerator, he finally noticed the ring that shone bright from her left-hand ring finger. His heart sank instantly.
Without thinking, he stood up, shifting his weight from one foot to another. Turning around, she looked at him in a confused manner. He mustered up enough sense to nervously wave goodbye to her without saying another word.
She shrugged her shoulders, puzzled but not distraught. She noticed a piece of paper on the table in front of where he had been sitting. She opened the piece of paper to see "I am still in love with you" written in his familiar handwriting. She folded the note, sighed, and threw the piece of paper away. As much as their history flooded her brain in that moment that she read his words, she knew that was the past and that was it. She could only move forward, and it was time for him to do the same.

Moment by Moment

Sometimes there are days where I feel my breath getting caught in my chest. My emotional state can sometimes take the very wind out of me. There are, unfortunately, things I wish I could get out of my system and out of my memory.

They say that men think of things like waffles, and girls see things like spaghetti. In this example, men are able to compartmentalize their emotions, their feelings about people, or work, etc. Women, on the other hand, feel all of their feelings about every subject all at once - just like spaghetti is intertwined.

I wish I was able to compartmentalize my feelings. It would be much easier to not let certain feelings overrule how I feel throughout the day or dictate the fulfillment of my day.

People always tell me that I'm so strong, but when it comes to just me, by myself, I feel so broken down. My walls are only down to myself, and in that vulnerability, I can see so many flaws or tiny fractions of memories that I thought were tucked away that unfortunately come to the surface during my solitude. Things I should be over, things I shouldn't care about, things I thought I didn't obsess over. Apparently it is only when I am with people that all of those feelings go away, but when I am by myself, it is when I am the worst off. Perhaps it is like they say, that people can become their own worst enemy. I feel like my thought process brings out the worst in me at times. I become the weakest, or the most vengeful, or the pettiest.

Deep breaths remind me that I'm still battling. Deep breaths are the only external thing that show the internal struggle. Deep breaths help me work through the pain that has become my own guarded tower during my loneliness.