Here's The Truth.

I debated back and forth about writing this blog many, many times. It seems a little too personal to be bringing up to the general public, but at the same time, I am aware of the voice this could provide to others, and that is more powerful than my hesitations.

I'm just going to come right out and say it: I was molested by a good "friend" of mine while in college. And I hate that because of what HE did to me, I became a statistic.

I was in an environment that I had tried to avoid for months, and yet I found myself in that situation anyway. My "friend" had a girlfriend (who was also a very good friend of mine). When I reminded him of his seemingly other half, he said "Well she won't know anything about this, will she?" This enraged me more than my personal violation. I put together my belongings as soon as I could, and left - but before I could drive away, the gross individual had the nerve to give me a hug as if nothing had happened. I just stood there as he tried to embrace me. I was furious.

And I will never forget calling my dear friend and physically saying to her, "I think I was just molested." I can remember it like it happened yesterday. Once I said it out loud, it gave it more weight and reality. I had actually been molested. Strong, independent me. It was a Sunday, and I longed to go to church as soon as humanly possible. I remember walking into my apartment, taking a long, long shower, and going to church. I have no idea what the service was about or what songs we sang, but I do remember feeling so much happier that I was sitting among friends who would never treat me disrespectfully.

I tried not to let it affect the rest of my life, but for the first few weeks, I had to explain to all of my roommates what had happened and the aftermath of admitting to people what went down (including the girlfriend, who is still with the jerk to this day). I met with a few people as faux "therapy" sessions, which helped a little bit, but my biggest regret was not pressing charges. I should have sent him to jail. I could have - I had the power to! - and I chose not to. I don't know why I thought that wasn't a good plan, but I regret my clouded thinking in that time because if it happened today, I would send him to jail so quick he wouldn't know how he got there.

There is no contact with this former "friend" anymore. The worst was having the memories of the past two years of "friendship" come back to haunt me. Various restaurants we had visited for the first time, funny inside jokes, etc. - All of that was jeopardized by one person's selfishness. Why? Was it worth the cause of losing me as a friend, losing trust from your girlfriend, and losing many people's respect as a human being? He's a monster. He has nothing going for him in life. He is still around, but he doesn't know my whereabouts.

I don't write this for self-pity, because honestly, I wasn't as harmed by being molested as some people are (or were, for years) by other people they knew. Being molested isn't a laughing matter, and more people than you think have a history of being molested. I wish that weren't the case, because it isn't a pleasant experience, but unfortunately that's just how it is. The only thing I can do as a victim is to move on, and grow from the experience. My faith in God didn't waver, even though God "allowed" this to happen - I don't really believe that anyway. The whole ordeal did make me a stronger person and someone more aware of molestation statistics. People always say, "You never think it's going to happen to you..." and I mean, I never thought I would leave college with a questionable experience. But I did, and that was my experience. I hope none of my friends have to go through a similar ordeal, but if they do, I do understand the out-of-body experience after being molested and the eerie feeling of even talking to guys afterwords.

Honestly, sharing my story is the best prevention out there. Don't put yourself in sketchy situations. I had bad feelings about being in this particular situation with my "friend" for months, and yet I finally broke down and put myself in the situation - only for molestation to be the result. Learn from my mistake, and remember that you are NOT at fault. You did NOTHING wrong - He is the one who did it for his own reasons, and all you can do is put it in your past and get some justice for yourself. I wish I had done so.

Even after writing this post that I was so worried about, I feel more empowered after writing it. So thank you for listening, and if you have any questions, feel free to ask me anything. I would love to tell you anything you want to know.