But, what?

So here I am, sitting in my room in Colorado. I moved here almost a month ago now, and all of my stuff is set up for the most part. I have a library card here, so it's pretty official that I've started a life here.

I should be writing all the time. I haven't had anything to do, no friends to meet with or people to see. Although I have started on a string of interviews (none of them journalism-related), I have yet to land a job. So why am I not writing consistently?

What is there to write about? I'm unemployed. What am I experiencing? Boredom, mostly. I did have a wild first two weeks here, going out and meeting strangers (aka: strange men), one of them consisting of a 21-year-old soldier who married and divorced by 19. Also, he had been drinking since 4 p.m. - A real catch.

Other than that, what am I supposed to write about? I have hiked trails, walked around the neighborhood, done shopping... but what is that adding to my life? I have had little victories, such as finding certain brands at certain stores (like vegetarian products - surprisingly hard to find here!).

I've been catching up on the latest movies and television shows. Netflix has never had such a good work out until it met me. And I surprisingly haven't worked out as much as I could be. Heck, I'm awake 16 hours a day and yet can't find an hour to go on a walk or do some squats? It's amazing how the mind can demotivate itself, even in the blandest of times.

I used to think that I could be my own company. For instance, if for some reason I was left in a room by myself for five days without being able to get out, I could entertain myself. Now, I am not so sure. I think if menial things to do, from checking a new store every day for something in particular to taking the dog on a walk just to leave the house. Otherwise, I don't go anywhere - all day! What kind of life am I living?

This whole entry probably seems as if I'm depressed, and I'm not - I actually do love living here, and it's great to have new places to explore and amazing finds such as a dollar theater that still had "Black Swan" showing (Interesting movie, by the way, although I wouldn't need to see it ever again). I catch my breath every time I drive past the mountain range with Pikes Peak in it. I have found some of the greatest radio stations (like an amazing alternative radio station that plays new underground bands that played at SXSW to early 90's Mighty Mighty Bosstones). I have learned what kind of groceries I actually eat, versus the things I hope to eat (read: fruits and vegetables - I know, ironic for a vegetarian).

Honestly, I feel like I've had time to write a hit screenplay by now. I actually intended to write something of that nature, but haven't had the inspiration. How can you have inspiration to write when nothing is occurring to you? Just like the greatest songwriters write during tragedy or extreme joy, I am at a plateau of... nothing. Blandness. I'm flat lining.

Even trying to go out and meet people, I'm ashamed to say "I'm unemployed." I don't think everyone really understands the reality of how pathetic that sounds. Yeah, okay, I just graduated from college, but it's different than if I had just graduated in January. And besides, it's not like I have a plan. I came here without a plan, and I still do not have one. I don't foresee me moving back to Ohio, nor anywhere else, but what am I doing?

I have no idea what the next year will look like for me - nor the next 3 months, nor the next 6 months. I'm just rolling with the punches and hoping for a great outcome. Maybe that's not the greatest unofficial plan there ever was, but I will look back on this time with no regrets. It's not like I could find myself to be happy back in Ohio. I miss my friends and the familiarity, of course, but I wouldn't have been truly happy staying there. So I took a chance. And even if I don't succeed here, I know I'll find many things of value here. Either about myself, others, or the world. And I'm excited about all that.

It's true, whatever that saying is about "idle hands." I am extremely bored, and thinking back to things in my past that do not add any value to my life at all.

If you're in the West at any point in time, please feel free to come share a cup of coffee with me. I'd love the company.