Bruised

I'm not going to pretend that I am a genius at the concept of love. I have been taught how to love, and I have experienced glimpses of true love before, but I can't say that I have felt it for myself (in human interaction. Excluding God, Jesus, the Easter Bunny, etc...).

I used to think I was really smart in the department of love. I knew what to say to guys and why. I knew what things to wear, or what conversations to start. Now I have realized that I am clueless. Having been single for three years now, I learned that clearly I don't have love figured out yet, or else I'd be happily in a relationship. Or at least in a relationship, period.

Yesterday, a friend said to me, "If Holly Madison (Hugh Hefner's former girlfriend) can't find a man, there is no hope." Madison is beautiful, successful, ambitious, and overall a kind person. She has found temporary love since Hef (if we want to call that love), but nothing substantial. In her new E! Television Network show, "Holly's World," she is seen throwing herself at a fellow man she sees often. And to tell you the truth, I see why she does it. It's extremely lonely being single. As much as I have learned a lot about myself in these past three years, there are a lot of low points in which surrounding yourself with friends or going on a date does not heal that wound. The missing aspect is having someone love you for your best, your worst, and your ugliest. Someone who chooses to be with you because they adore your personality and all of the little quirks that come with it. They choose to love your family because you love them. It is such a rarity to find that person who sees you imperfectly yet desires to be with you. Strive for that kind of love, instead of merely someone who fills your time.

Love is such a complicated emotion and, at the end of the day, it is a verb. Love is a verb. For instance, my other roommate is making dinner for a friend who is going through a rough situation. She's not doing it to make herself look better, but rather to comfort a friend who is battling something difficult. I see love in my father, who plows streets covered with snow so that people don't have to shovel their sidewalks. He delivers snacks and treats as a "thank you" to friends who help us out from time to time. I even see love in the directors of movies, as you know they over-analyze every frame and scene to make the film its best. One of my best friends always has creative gift ideas for Christmas and birthdays that hit the nail on the head. She personalizes the gifts so well and you know they touch a certain place in your heart and soul that is only reserved for love.

Listening to David Berkeley's "The Confluence," he says: "She could make me love her in a single breath. I would fall a thousand times." - I wish I had that power. How simple that would be.

Instead, love to me seems like a concept in a song by the Bens: "Love just leaves you bruised."