Decision-Making

Yesterday, I visited a church for the first time, and it featured a video sermon where the pastor gives his message through a big projector screen instead of actually being in the room. I thought I'd be bored since he wasn't engaging with the audience around me, but instead, he captured me for the entire 35-minute sermon. It could have helped that his topic was one that really tugged on my heartstrings: decision-making and changing the course of your life. There were two questions I needed to ask myself: "Am I being completely honest with myself?" and "What's the story I want to tell?"

I think a lot about my significance on this earth (as probably many people do). I know I was destined for greatness, and although I don't know what "greatness" entails, I still feel like there is so much more within me that I haven't tapped into yet. All of this potential is being stifled within me, but I don't know how to release it. I psyche myself out at times. I feel like "I can do this; I can handle this project" but when it comes to putting the rubber to the road, I doubt myself.

There are times that I look back on my life, and although I don't have many regrets (I, in fact, have two and that is it), there are some things I would have loved to see what become of them. I was a member of the speech and debate team in high school, and as much as I loved the actual debates, I hated the prep work for it. I think I was simply unprepared for the brains it took to handle speech and debate at that time. I was a freshman when I began, and if I had stuck it out until I was a junior or senior, I can only imagine how much it would have helped me out in my college career. It also would have helped me determine if pre-law was something I'd be willing to stick with as well. I always had this dream of being an ADA in a courtroom somewhere, fighting the good fight for justice, but lawyers are typically serious and dull and I didn't want to be either.

It was with speech and debate that I learned how to construct an argument and win. Within one season, I earned a varsity letter in speech and debate (but to be fair, it was extremely easy to get a varsity letter in debate). It is good for writing opinion articles, which I did in college, but I still wish I could be better at compiling all of the information that would successfully win an argument every time.

After one year of debate, it was my decision to quit the team, which my parents supported, and that is the story I chose to tell. I don't regret quitting the team, but I just wonder 'what if' I had stayed with the team and improved my skills. Where would I be? Would I be on the fast track to "success," (whatever that is defined as)?

Even though many decisions seem important or life-altering, they really will not change every aspect of your life in the years to come. There were so many drama-filled arguments between best friends or boyfriends, and now, who can figure out what those arguments were even about? It consumed my whole world at the time, but looking back, nothing even triggers a memory of how those arguments began.

I do want to tell a good story, I know that for sure. How to arrive at the best story for me is the only question.