Bad News.

How do we react when we hear of sad or bad news? Some people cry when faced with death, some laugh because they can't express the true feelings inside. Some people get angry when something bad goes their way. They're pissed instead of sad, like the typical reaction expected. It's so different from when we receive happy news. If good news occurs, we all have a similar smile-inducing reaction where joyous yelling ensues and warm embraces happen. But sad news? No one can guess anyone's reaction in that situation. For example, when I hear bad news, I typically become angry. I get pissed.

As a Christian, we are taught to praise God in all situations - good or bad. Songs like "Praise You In This Storm" by Casting Crowns encourage Christians to be bold and worshipful during the sorrowful pits of our life. We are so eager to praise God when the going is good, and we praise Him with all of our might...until something bad happens. And then we reject God. We spite Him. We yell. We get angry. We blame him for everything that has happened wrong in our lives (usually with a lot of pent up anger from past events as well).

Like I said, I get angry when bad things occur. And what has made me angrier lately has been the church. This unified body of God that is supposed to support and provide fellowship. Why did this make me angry? Because I hear people sing "Hosanna" loud and proud, and they yell "Amen!" to the fact that God has saved them... when most people have never been through difficult situations. Yes, shout Amen for whenever you have never experienced things. Now, I'm not saying that people do not have their own battles to fight, or that everyone is innocent, but the majority of people have not been so far low as some have experienced. I have experienced something that I wish no one would ever have to, with a betrayal of trust and boundaries pushed. And it's hard for me to be joyful to God about this situation. I'm thankful to God that nothing worse happened in my life, but truly, I want to walk away from the false pretenses that Christians have. I want to praise God after I've been through something bad, but I'm not yet in that place. I personally feel as though I'm not ready to walk back to God and his stereotypical church family. I know that God is not stereotypical, and that I need a fellowship of believers...but I'm not ready.

Which is hard, considering I go to "the world's holiest university," as dubbed by some.

So I'm going to try something. I have an obsession with (500) Days of Summer, and so I'm beginning a (500) Days of Prayer. 500 days of praying to God every day. It's my new goal.