In Augusten Burrough's book, "Dry," he details his stint in rehab for his alcohol abuse. In one of the first chapters of his book, he describes the initial rehabilitation session where the leader asked him to write down how much he drank, at what age he began drinking, and how frequently he drank when he did drink. He was also asked to write down any other substances he had used, even if just trying them once. After writing down all of the information he could remember, Augusten took a step back and realized how heavy his drinking (and other substances) actually was. It hadn't hit him that he drank an abnormal amount of alcohol until that first moment. He didn't even think he needed to be in rehab, but was doing it to appease his employer.
It was the worst form of honesty, because for the first time in however long Augusten had been drinking, he proved to himself that he was an alcoholic. He couldn't deny his addiction any longer, and instead faced the truth directly. I think that it is good, yet brutal, to do this to ourselves from time to time. Pastor Josh Henderson states that we can deal with our problems one of three ways: the first, to deny the issue. Secondly, you can hold the secret in and deal with it privately within yourself. The third (and right) way is to confront the issue head-on. Clearly, this wouldn't be the easiest option because it causes you to be extremely vulnerable and truly honest with yourself and others. Tough conversations follow with confrontation, but ultimately, those are the healthiest conversations to have.
Luke 12:3-4 tells us that anything that is done in private or with a secret intention will eventually be brought to light and shouted off of rooftops. In the case of Augusten Burroughs, it was he himself that shouted his own truth off of a rooftop, even if he hadn't originally intended to do so. He was his own scapegoat.
It hurts when we expose ourselves for what we are. It's the same reason why I will never do a food diary - yes, I want to be honest, but if I can't even write down truthfully how many brownies I ate for dessert, why should I be lying to a piece of paper? Being honest with ourselves should be the easiest thing, but often, it is also the most ugly thing we can do - to expose who we really are without looking away from the mirror. We can change our ugly habits, and we can improve our lives from that point on, but until we are able to bring up our true selves to the surface, we will forever be stifled by our worst handicap.
This week, I wasn't able to hide behind the issues that were buried deep inside me, and it was scary to imagine other people knowing the evils I had within me, but I felt such freedom after those conversations took place.
"The right thing is not always the easy thing." - summarized in 2 Timothy 4:1-10
